Eyewitness Weather: Super-Secret Whistler Spy Photos

Dec 05, 2008  ·  01:49 PM  ·  permalink

Our NW agents have made a run to Whistler (in Canada) to bring back weather intelligence from our “friends” north of the border.

Everybody knows that the REAL problem with the Canadians is not their self-effacing politeness, their attempts to flood the American markets with cheap pharmaceuticals, or their insidious campaign to make us gay with their so-called “English.” No, the real problem is: they steal our snow.

It’s a scientific fact that every flake that falls in Canada is one less flake that can fall here in the U.S. Think about it: there’s only so much cold air in the world and in any given ski season, only a finite amount of snow ever falls. This leads to one inescapable conclusion: when it snows in Canada, it can’t snow in Colorado.

This year the Canadians would have you believe that it’s cold and snowy with pictures of people skiing on mountains covered with white powder—much the way the old Soviet Union would make their armies seem larger with circular parade routes. But we have the photographic proof: there’s no snow in Canuckistan!

Would you like some more gravy on your cheese fries Comrade?